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a chubby baby is a happy baby
21 October 2009 @ 12:50 pm
Want a glimpse into the not-so-secret world of pregnancy?

the list of pregnancy
serious TMI warningCollapse )
That's all of the gross TMI stuff I can think of right now. Thanks for playing. Your consolation prize will be mailed shortly.
a chubby baby is a happy baby
10 October 2009 @ 11:36 am
I woke this morning to cold water dripping on my wrist.
We discovered I have my humidifier too high. It is causing large collections of water on our ceiling, and when I threw on my robe it was damp.

But - if I don't use my humidifier, I will wake up to torrents of blood gushing from my nostrils and onto my white sheets.

Hm. Conundrum.
a chubby baby is a happy baby
07 October 2009 @ 12:30 pm
The email address I had when I was a teenager points to my current address.
I continually, to this day, receive clothing updates and coupon crap from stores I haven't shopped at since Eddie Vedder was hot and people still felt sorry for Courtney Love.

I am too young to have a teenager, and too old for YOUR SHIT. It's been THIRTEEN YEARS since I stupidly handwrote my email address on a card so I could have a free lip gloss with my purchase.

*long sigh*

I have sent my removal request a few times throughout the years. It is not that huge a deal, it just asses me. The lack of common sense.
a chubby baby is a happy baby
26 September 2009 @ 10:45 pm
Guess which one we are doing, and which we aren't. Go ahead.
I'll even put the rest of this behind a cut so you can guess properly.

which kind of crazyCollapse )
a chubby baby is a happy baby
20 August 2009 @ 01:11 am
We had our first appointment with the doctor that will deliver our baby. My mom came along, and we asked all of our questions and then heard the baby's heartbeat on the fetal doppler.

It was a hard day other than that. We are trying to get all of Brandy's things packed up and on their way to her mother's home. I feel strange sending my sister's belongings to someone else, but there is a new life coming and it needs the space.

In going through Brandy's things we found many of the keepsakes she chose to keep out of the belongings of family members that died before her. It was incredibly full circle, to take back things from my father's sister (that died in her thirties, just like Brandy) - securing them to give to our brother. I went back and forth between the anger I have always felt toward her greediness, the way she snatched up so much memorabilia of our dead loved ones with no regard for the other siblings that would also want something. But it is a moot point now, isn't it?

Long sigh.

In the collection I reclaimed a very special item that I would always remember from my childhood with my Aunt Debbie (my father's sister). It is a small wooden baby doll cradle/rocking chair. It is so important to me to have that for my children. There is a porcelain baby doll that belongs inside it, but I don't want that. I don't care about things that sit on a shelf - I want useful memory items, something that can build new memories. There are so many people that are gone now, that would have loved to meet the little child growing inside me - that would have been in that room today listening to that wooshing washing machine sound that said 'I Am Real'.

Whoever you are, reading to the end of this note - stuff is just stuff. All of the stuff that my sister thought was so important, the collections she spent hours maintaining instead of coming out of her room - watching a movie with us, eating a meal... what is it now? All of the things she hid from us, the items she knew we would be upset if we knew she was hoarding instead of sharing with her loved ones - they are just salt in the wounds.

You can't take it with you, indeed.
a chubby baby is a happy baby
05 July 2009 @ 01:41 am
I have been putting off Ljing about this, since I try to put more than an exclamatory sentence here (unlike facebook, etc). I'm 2-3 weeks pregnant.

After all of the back and forth nervous/scared entries before, it has happened. In the grand scheme, it did not really take long.
Of course, I found out literally days after we buried my sister, and on the last day of the month she died. June 2009 was definitely ... I can't find the word. The running joke is that she told God to cut me some slack.
"Do her a solid, man - she just lost me."

It would be nice to imagine her meeting my child before it was sent along to the planet - but I don't know if I can allow myself such romantic ideas.

I am, at the moment, refusing to LJ about the fear the child growing inside me has stirred. All of the 'what ifs' and worries that come with a baby in your body are present within me, but I am trying not to give them merit. A happy outlook, and a light heart - right? We don't want any self-fulfilling prophecies.

This is just so, unreal still. Yes, the doctor confirmed. Yes, the blood test gave me my levels. Even if I were not having a baby, something completely life-altering would be taking place if my body 'thought' I was. So, were dealing with the reality that two will be three. Edward said the day I told him he was driving home from work, and he realized that very soon he would be driving home to his family - his wife and child. He's been very emotional about the whole thing - and I can't begin to thank God for giving me such a perfect partner.

I have to run, but I'll LJ the fun stuff soon. The story of how I told people, and how they reacted. If I'm going to record those things, why not here?
Current Mood: amusedamused
a chubby baby is a happy baby
20 June 2009 @ 05:10 pm
We buried her today.
I don't have the energy to talk about it (or do anything else) right now, but you should do something for me. Two things.

1. Hug your brothers and sisters, or anyone that is close enough to you that they might as well be. Do this before the day is over.
2. Pick up the phone and call someone that has no reason to expect to hear from you. Bite the bullet and do it. Blame it on me.

Seriously. This is not optional.
a chubby baby is a happy baby
17 June 2009 @ 10:32 pm
Today marked a lot of firsts.

Before today I had never:

lost a sibling
been my father's oldest child
lived with someone that passed away
prayed out loud in front of strangers
held a person's hand as they died

...realized how few pictures I have of her
Current Mood: shockedshocked
a chubby baby is a happy baby
06 June 2009 @ 11:31 pm
Happy Birthday. Now dye it silver.

I was only logging in to wish queen crazy a happy day, but I might as well write an actual entry. *gasp*

Life is still where I left it when I got tired of lugging it around. It sits in a heap in my bedroom, and looks up hopefully when I grab my keys, but deflates when it realizes I am wearing my work clothes.
No kid yet, but I'm hopeful. Not nearly as depressed about the lack of results since we were convinced I was pregnant last week. You would think I would be MORE depressed, since I am obviously not, but the two days I spent waiting to test and be certain made me realize we are SO not ready financially. We are not going to stop moving forward with our plans for a family, but I am realizing if it does not happen too fast it is not a terrible problem.

Other than that, my days are spent focusing on my family. I cook meals as often as I can, load the dishwasher so my father will sit down and watch television, and try to keep everyone positive. The most fulfilled I have been in the past month was when my back porch was full of talking family that were only there because I had made a meal. If I am home from work and making food- people come crawling out of the woodwork.
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Current Mood: contentcontent
a chubby baby is a happy baby
25 May 2009 @ 01:08 am
The one in the master bath says I am losing.
The one in main bath says I’m gaining.
The one in the main bath says Edward is losing.
He refuses to stand on the one in the master just in case the trend follows.

It would be awesome if my pants would start falling off and I could give both scales a close-up of my middle digit.

large round the middle
and the rear
just forty more pounds
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Current Mood: amusedamused